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Fast-paced action and classic gameplay
I didn't ask for a retro FPS to inject adrenaline directly into my eyeballs, yet here we are. This 'demo' is far too good for its own good, forcing me to confront the inconvenient truth that some modern games can, on occasion, be genuinely excellent.
Just when I thought I'd seen every pixel art roguelite gimmick under the sun, along comes Loot Brute. I swear, my eye-rolling muscles are getting a workout, but this one managed to hold my attention for a bit.
I downloaded Garden Beetle expecting to uninstall it in fifteen minutes. Four hours later, I'm still here, furious at a digital ladybug and questioning my life choices.
An arcade planet builder where you shoot hearts at enemies and collect aliens sounds like someone's fever dream, but here I am, three hours in, actually caring about whether my space pigs have enough resources. What is happening to me?
I've played every "chess but different" game since Battle Chess made me wait 30 seconds per animation in 1988. This one actually kept me clicking through turns instead of alt-tabbing to complain on forums. Barely.
Zoopgar made an arcade game about a rat named Barbra exterminating bugs for crumbs, and somehow I didn't immediately close the tab. Let me tell you why that's actually impressive.
Another precision platformer asking me to jump off sticky walls while contemplating my life choices. At least this one lets me paint the scenery as I fail repeatedly—because apparently visual documentation of my inadequacy is what passes for innovation now.
A 64-year-old plumber named Domin finds a sock and apparently that's enough plot to justify dying 200 times per minute in a single-screen platformer that thinks difficulty equals quality. Spoiler: it doesn't.
Another retrowave game? In 2024? I loaded up GeoJet expecting F-Zero at home, but this three-person team somehow made me care about combo chains again. Barely.
I booted up yet another fangame expecting amateur hour garbage, but Deadbeats Encore's Everhood-inspired bullet hell rhythm hybrid actually made me stop scrolling Twitter. Color me shocked.
Alright, a raccoon on a longboard, how original. And yet, somehow, this little itch.io gem managed to burrow into my brain. I'm almost annoyed.
I've been reviewing games since before some of you were born, and I never thought I'd be sitting here praising a TTRPG that fits in a cassette case. Yet here we are. The Glitch somehow captures arcade chaos on paper, and I'm only slightly annoyed that it works.
I've played approximately 847 TrackMania wannabes, and PolyTrack is one of maybe three that didn't make me want to throw my keyboard. It's a low-poly racing game that knows what it's doing, even if I'm too tired to be excited about it.
I opened this expecting another lazy Unity asset flip with 'retro' slapped on as an excuse for bad graphics. What I got was a genuinely competent arcade brawler that respects both my time and the classics it's aping. Carbon Copycat Games, you've earned your suspicious name.
l8doku crammed four different movement systems into one tiny arcade package. I've seen this 'collection of mini-games' thing a thousand times, but at least this one commits to a clear concept: what if moving around was the entire point?
I've played fighting games since Street Fighter II cost me my lunch money in 1991. Gods Arena has two playable characters, four moves, and the audacity to call itself a throwback to arcade fighters. Let me tell you about my five minutes with Olympus's budget brawl.
I've played approximately 847 twin-stick shooters that claim to be 'inspired by Geometry Wars,' and 846 of them made me want to uninstall Steam. Project: Scrap is the one that didn't, and I'm as shocked as you are.
I've been reviewing mobile games since Flappy Bird made everyone think they could be a game developer, and here we are again: another endless runner with a fresh coat of oceanic paint. At least this one involves a whale instead of another anthropomorphic rectangle.
I downloaded this expecting another throwaway itch.io experiment. What I got was a brutally honest developer who spent a week making a Touhou-inspired mushroom genocide simulator that's more entertaining than games that took two years and a Kickstarter campaign.
A free browser game where you destroy furniture as a hungry cat sounds like easy dopamine, but CatAttack Arcade somehow makes chaos feel like a chore. It's not bad for five minutes, which is exactly how long you'll play it.
I've played about eight thousand Tetris clones in my life, and exactly three of them deserved to exist. Mixolumia might be number four, and I'm as shocked as you are.
Finally, someone remembered that arcade games were supposed to throw you into the action instead of wasting 45 minutes on tutorials. Power Stealers tries to capture that '90s magic, and honestly? It doesn't completely fail.
Another developer looked at Snake—a game perfected in 1997 on my Nokia 3310—and thought 'you know what this needs? Ambient music and the word calm in the description.' I installed it anyway because apparently I hate myself.
Martin Mauersics made this in sixteen hours during a game jam, and it's more focused than most games I've played this year. It's free, it's infuriating, and I can't stop playing it. I hate myself a little.
